I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
