I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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