I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
