She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
