Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
