I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
