At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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