I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
