do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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