You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
