I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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