Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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