once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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