Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
