There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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