Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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