Michael Bay diarrhea
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
