Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
And then he peed in my hair
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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