Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize