I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Did I show you my penis last night?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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