why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.