this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
