R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??