everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.