Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
