I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful