no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We are all done wearing pants today
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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