I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
