I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
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Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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