Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
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in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
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You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize