This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
