I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
