I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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