I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
