He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
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That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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