He kissed a someone with a penis
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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