Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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