i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
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Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
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He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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