i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
