im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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