i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
A bitchslap is in order.
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