Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
