So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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