how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
