oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
