I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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