all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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