I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
