U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
