Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
