Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
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I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
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Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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