So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
