It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
