I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
