i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize