If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My penis needs a shock collar
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
