Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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