Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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