just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
