3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
