How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
