For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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