You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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