Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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