I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Someone signed my nipple.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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