my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
