I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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