Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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