I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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