If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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