at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
